Westboro Baptist Church

Friends, tonight I cordially invite you to come and stew with me in my unrelenting fury, as my suffering is more tolerable when I have others to drag down with me. You all are most likely well aware that I hate - a lot. But I hate with style and creativity. I don't hate you, but I do hate weakness, and all the ignorant shit weakness brings. This takes me to my next point. Friends, in a second I'd like you to meet the fucktards of the Westboro Baptist Church.

But before I get ahead of myself, I should mention at this point that for all intents and purposes, I am agnostic. For those unaware, this means that while I don't outright deny the existence of a greater power, it is inherently unknowable and therefore irrelevant in the process of my day-to-day life. You could say that makes my opinion biased, and therefore arguably invalid in the present context. Fortunately for me I don't give a shit about what you think. If there is a God, He is the one who made me this way, which was His mistake, so fuck off.

Now then, back to the source of my near-crippling fury. For those who aren't acquainted with these wastes of air, let me introduce you to them. The Westboro Baptist Church is a religious organization based in Kansas and headed by the ignorant pig that is Fred Phelps. The church and its fear-based following runs numerous hate-mongering anti-homosexual websites, the most noteworthy being www.GodHatesFags.com.

They also have numerous other websites expressing condemnation of Catholics, Muslims, Jews, and pretty much every living thing that draws breath on this planet. Essentially, God hates everyone except them. Pretty fucking convenient, huh? Put it this way; are you a member of the Westboro Baptist Church? No? Well then you are going to spend eternity in hell. Cool.

As it turns out, Phelps' two-hundred followers are only allowed to marry within the church. The catch is, it's made up entirely of relatives of either Fred or his wife. So what do you do? You go out and play push-push with your sister in the name of the Almighty. I don't know about you, but that sounds damn hot to me. So not only are they a toxic cult of self righteous hypocrites poisoning the minds of others with unwarranted hatred, they're also a bunch of inbred cousin-fuckers. Awesome.

The church bases its work (I use the term "work" loosely) around the belief that nearly every tragedy in the world is linked to homosexuality – specifically society's increasing tolerance and acceptance of the so-called "Homosexual Agenda." Homosexual agenda indeed. Homosexual behavior has been observed and documented in close to 1,500 species throughout the animal kingdom, ranging from primates to gut worms, yet we as humans are the only ones who have a problem with homosexuality. Give me a fucking break you worthless cunts.

A perfect example of this was Hurricane Katrina. The WBC is rooted firmly in their retarded fucking ideology that Hurricane Katrina is the result of God punishing homosexuals with a little good old-fashioned floodin'. Now this is where their account of things becomes a bit convoluted. The primary gay neighborhood in New Orleans is Faubourg Marigny. Now I'm not saying Katrina didn't fuck shit up, but here's the thing; Marigny was virtually untouched by the entire disaster. As fate would have it, the neighborhood was elevated enough to escape most of the catastro-fuck that was Katrina. So now I ask you, if these people are such a blight in the eyes of the Almighty, why then is He so fucking lazy when it comes to their eradication from the face of the Earth? Either that, or God isn't as angry with gays so much as He is with the gay-adjacent.

Oh yeah, they also protest funerals. Yeah, you read right, they protest fucking funerals! Are you fucking kidding me? I know now in my heart that Fred Phelps' parents fucked on a microwave at his conception. I know this, because there is no other explanation for this level of unrelenting stupidity. In a perfect world these retards would receive a savage beating with a sack full of door-knobs at the hands of government thugs as punishment for the suffering inflicted on my mind, which is directly attributed to their own ineptitude.

These assholes have protested a running total of approximately 80 military funerals in 30 states, citing a belief that the Iraq War is a punishment for the nation's tolerance of homosexuality. I'm not going to go into the Iraq war in any context presently, because that is a whole other ball of wax. Right now what's pissing me the fuck off is that only result of this situation is that these soldiers died so that cunts like this could stand across the street and protest their funeral and shout about how they're burning in hell. I don't care what you think about the war, because no matter how you slice it that is fucking despicable. Now pardon me while I go vomit in rage.

It's not hard to understand simple-minded prejudice of this nature, but what's weird about this is that there is no other person in all of Kansas who spends all day thinking about anal sex as much as Fred does. Isn't it ironic that the most prominent anti-homosexual advocate in the country has always got cock on his mind? Methinks Fred doth protest too much (for those not familiar with Shakespeare: Fred's gay). If he is, I don't see any problem with it. I've got friends who fuck dudes, it's no big deal. So why is Fred Phelps such a self-loathing closet homosexual who projects his anger onto others to cope with the emptiness inside his own soul? Because he's a cunt.

Final word. The Bible was not written by God. We know this because it is so full of contradictions. Need proof? How did Judas die? Please note it's a multiple choice question and all the answers are correct. I'm not downing Christianity at all, my point is just that the Bible was written by man. Man is imperfect, which therefore makes the Bible capable of being fallible. Instead of causing pain and making the world a worse place in the process of doing so, why not take the Bible for what it is; a guide to being a better person and to teach you to love as Jesus loved. But that's not what we have here. Instead we have people dictating what 'God' thinks. How would they know what He thinks? The answer is they don't. They construct a 'God' figure as a way to express and enforce their own draconian views on the world.

Faith should not be used as a weapon, I hope you all choke to death on a bag of dicks you fucking hate-mongers.