Sunday, April 13, 2008

Requiem for Jason Lee

Jason Lee. Good God, what happened to Jason Lee? There was a time in my life when just uttering the name "Jason Lee" damn near gave me tingles up my spine. I mean, was there anyone out there cooler than that motherfucker? No, there was not.

But not all stories have happy endings. Somewhere along the line - for whatever reason - he became a member of the Church of Scientology (I use the term "Church" loosely) and began starring in fuck shit ass movies like Underdog and Alvin and the Chipmunks. Up until this point I never knew why people went on killing sprees. Well you know what? Now I fucking get it.

This man absolutely rocked the shit in movies like Mallrats and Almost Famous and so many more, making me laugh time and again with his priceless sardonic wit. Seriously, you could tell me that my mother was killed in a grisly car accident, and then right after that show me the part from Mallrats where he's screaming at the kid on the escalator, and I would still laugh my fucking balls off.

To be honest with you, I am almost at a loss for words. The thought of his fall from grace has left me feeling dirty and used, and I've tried to scrub away this feeling, but they just don't make water hot enough. This man is hilarious, and you'd be hard pressed to find anyone in the entire world who could deliver a one-liner better than Jason Lee can. Not only that, but he seems like a genuinely intelligent person. That's why I can't wrap my mind around the fact that he became a Scientologist. It's obviously done wonders for him financially, but at the cost of his very soul. A high price if you ask me.

Let's face it, there is a plethora of obviously unstable, closeted, or just plain untalented actors and actresses who blather on about Xenu and cleansing their Engrams. Take Jenna Elfman for example, did you know that she's a Scientologist? I did, but I don't care because she's a talentless waste of life, and she was dead to me long before I even acknowledged that she was alive. But knowing that someone as inherently cool as Jason Lee thinks that alien ghosts infected the planet with negative energy just makes me sick to my stomach.

Oh, just throwing this out there, he named his kid Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee. I don't know if he was high or just lazy when he named that kid, but he deserves to be punched in the fucking sternum.

I could almost put up with this shit if he still took on good roles as an actor, but that's not the case. Jason, what the fuck have you done? I want to believe there is still good in you, but I fear you are more machine now than man; twisted and evil. I expected better from you. What a fool I was...

I don't care how much you love My Name Is Earl, Jason Lee is fucking dead to me.

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