Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Contemporary Art: Part Two

Art can be defined as an expression or application of human creative skill and imagination. This suggests that virtually any expression or message can be defined as art. Yes dearest readers, even contemporary art. While this may be true, THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MAKE IT MEANINGFUL! The most depressing part is these contemporary artist pieces of shit have no clue. They have no fucking clue.

So what do you do? You swallow a bunch of Jell-O and puke on other people's work and then feebly try to defend your actions as an artistic expression, just so you can sit back with a smug fucking look on your face and sneer contemptuously with your nose fixed firmly in the air at those who "don't understand the meaning of artistic expression". This is not meaningful, and is completely devoid of any worth or intellectual thought.

Or what of the fuck-tards who skinned a cat alive? Once again, these depraved wastes of air defended their actions as artistic expression and therefore claimed that it is an acceptable way to conduct oneself in society. Yeah, okay, I get it. No, really, I do. But on the other hand, YOU SKINNED A FUCKING CAT WHILE IT WAS STILL LIVING AND DRAWING BREATH! It's a well known fact that all the most notorious serial-killers and sociopaths in history started out by killing animals as a sick and twisted idea of personal pleasure, so then is it really such a jump to say that misguided artistic expression falls under the same proverbial umbrella? I don't think so. If Jeffrey Dahmer tried to defend his terrible actions as art you would smack him in the goddamn head and say "What the fuck is the matter with you?!" And you would be right to do so.

But it's all in the name of art right? Wrong! In a perfect world, government thugs would come to each and every one of these retards places of residence, haul them into the street, strip them bare, and shoot them in the fucking mouth, in hopes that they will learn the meaning of consequence.

And even when it's not such a disgusting expression, it's still baseless, unhindered fucking stupidity. So you sped up 'Empire Strikes Back' as a comment on the short attention spans of todays generations? Well that's a self-fulfilling prophecy if I've ever seen one you useless motherfucker, because newsflash, cocksucker: NOBODY CARES!

It would be too easy to say this is stupid, because that is beyond obvious. This on the other hand, simply put, does not make sense what-so-ever. Remember now, the idea is short attention spans. Simply put, the people who watch Star Wars, watch Star Wars A LOT. And they aren't short movies either, most of them topping at 150 minutes. So it's simply ridiculous to accuse these people of having short attention spans. And it's not that I hate the message, just don't be a fucking retard about it, be current, rather than referencing a movie from 1980 and simply being outright wrong.

For instance, would it not be more relevant to do something like this: still play sped up video clips, but instead have the images being that of recent disasters covered in the news. Like Hurricane Katrina, where the majority of the audience cared for about two weeks and then just forgot about it. You could show this media coverage, and at the same time, have the frame of the clips constantly shrinking until it was completely non-existent. THERE YOU GO! Exact same message conveyed, but instead of useless mind-numbing stupidity, you have a relevant artistic fucking expression with actual meaning and thought behind it, you useless twat!

Yeah, go ahead, pat yourself on the back for being such great artists you worthless fucking cunts, see if I care. Doing that and saying you have talent as an artist is like saying you're special because you can break a graham cracker along the line. Surely any mirror you walk past has to remind you that you're a fucking moron.

To be more current, I could go on about the bomb-scare at the Royal Ontario Museum. Some jackass OCAD student decided it would be cool to make something resembling a pipe bomb and place it at the steps of the museum with a note attached saying "this is not a bomb". Here are the first problems I have with this:

A) You're an idiot
B) You are not Rene Magritte
C) You're still an idiot

This act served only to cause mass hysteria and panic, unsurprisingly. I mean, it was a fucking bomb scare for Christ's sake. In this case, the underlying idea is that something that is "quite clearly not dangerous, but when you put it in a different context the viewer re-contextualizes it": a fake pipe bomb, and fake YouTube videos showing its fake explosion. With that in mind, there is more stupidity to this already mind-numbingly stupid artistic expression: it took place while there was an AIDS fund raiser at the museum. The result? Streets shut down, bomb squad on hand, and an AIDS gala canceled with hundreds of thousands of charitable dollars lost in AIDS research. All in the name of artistic expression. I should mention that at this point I'm worried for my very life for I am dangerously close to choking to death on my own rage.

Art for art's sake? Go fuck yourself.

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