Marijuana

It enrages me to no end when something I myself enjoy manages to become associated with people I loathe. Though my friendship with marijuana itself hasn't waned at all, I can't help but become disenchanted with it as a whole when I think of all of the useless fucks who are ruining it for everyone by acting like jackasses.

Let's get this fucking crystal. I'm not an anti-marijuana advocate in any fashion, I'm just an anti-retard advocate. There are those out there who smoke marijuana but don't piss me off at all. This rant is not about them. Now then, I enjoy dope like there's a future in it for me, but that's the end of it, I enjoy it, it's not my entire fucking life. You want to spark a joint after a long day to take the edge off and relax? Fine. You want to kick back and smoke a bowl while re-watching the movie Willow? I'm there. But for the love of Christ do not just sit on your dumb ass and smoke dope all day everyday, you look fucking stupid.

Seriously though, 420? Why the fuck is this considered such a big deal to everyone? You can smoke dope every single day of the year you jackasses, you don't need a holiday to take a day off from sitting on your ass and being pathetic just so you can sit on your ass and be pathetic. All I end up doing on 420 is laughing at all of you twats who have nothing better to do with your lives than sit around and smoke pot.

I just love it when those fuckers get baked and decide to wax philosophical. And when I say I love it, I mean I'd rather dig at the vein in my cock with a linoleum knife than listen to the shit that falls out of their stupid mouthes. It just ruins the entire prospect of smoking dope. I smoke this shit to mellow out and relax, not speculate on the world's problems and take on your idiocy in tandem. Stop trying to unlock the keys to the universe you stupid twats, you can come find me when you want to discuss whether or not Bob Barker got a lot of pussy. And for the last time, I don't care that you've become intertwined with the fabric of space and time, pass the fucking Doritos. Assholes.

You'll surely find that it's all too common for people to bemoan the current state of the world or bitch about Tibet or some other horse shit after they get stoned. There is tons of shit wrong in this fucking world, that's a given. However, you can't claim moral superiority to ANYBODY when all you do is sit on your ass, get high, and eat fucking Chex Mix. There is seldom in this world that is more selfish and greedy.

I should probably mention at this point that I think it's absurd that marijuana is illegal in the first place, given that the government already makes ass loads of money selling you a wide variety of narcotics. The only reason marijuana is illegal is because the government doesn't like you medicating yourself in a way that doesn't make them money, they want you to pay them to use THEIR drugs.

While I find that fundamentally repulsive, let me also say this: what do you think those critical of marijuana legalization think when they see a bunch of shaggy mouth-breathing college students yelling "legalize it, man!" You're not fucking helping you pieces of shit. Those responsible for changing the current laws see this behavior as a reason to keep the shit illegal in hopes that it will maybe deter this type of idiocy, and it's hard for me to blame them. This is really embarrassing, I've never seen anything defeat it's own purpose so well. I'm all for the protest and activism that can change these laws, but for God's sake conduct yourself in a responsible and intelligent manner if you want anyone to take you seriously.

It irritates the piss out of me when the amount of weed you inhale becomes a point of pride. So you smoke x amount of dope y times a day and get "so high"? Who fucking cares? News flash morons, anyone can inhale smoke, it's not a skill you loathsome fucking twats. Claiming how often you get high every day does not impress me, dealing does not impress me, grow ops do not impress me, YOU DO NOT FUCKING IMPRESS ME! Stop trying to be a badass by doing something that is already so tired out and mundane. You're smoking a plant, big fucking deal. You want to be truly awesome? Do something creative and unheard of, like, I don't know, punch a dragon to death. Do that and you'll get my fucking attention.

While we're on the subject of chemical dependency, I will say this: while I have no inherent problems with pot itself, I have a major problem with people who are addicted to the least addictive drug in the fucking world. If you're even going to talk to me about addiction you'd fuckin' better be shooting heroin into your fucking tear ducts or smoking meth. If not, shut your god damn mouths and give me a fucking break you useless douchebags.

I love marijuana, but the underlying selfishness and weakness that comes with a large portion of those who smoke pot is intolerable. All this tells me is that you have no real skills to offer the world and need to escape the harsh reality of existence so often it proves that you are a fucking pussy. You are not hardcore for being a perma-fried asshole, the real badasses are those who take all the shit the world has to throw at them without chemical dependence as a crutch. Go out and make something of yourself you weak son of a bitch.

I don't give a shit if I'm harshing your mellow, I still hope your children get molested.